Picking Up Crosses

“If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it. What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit his very self?” (Luke 9:23-25)

All in all, my time at Park Mains High School was enjoyable and enriching. There are many memories and lessons which I fondly remember from my time both inside and outside classes. I don’t think I’ll ever forget one occasion, however, sitting in the theatre, where our assemblies were held, watching a monologue during one of our Easter Services, just before the holidays. Looking around me, I noticed that most of my colleagues weren’t really that engaged with the performance, giving in to restlessness and and an increasing desire to get out of the hot stuffy auditorium into the fun, fresh air and freedom of the outside! For me, however, the sketch was raising a number of crucial questions, questions which are rapidly returning to my mind with every day that passes here in the Netherlands.

The monologue was about someone who was carrying a cross on their back. They were talking to God about how hard it was, how excruciating, in fact, to carry this heavy burden such a long distance, along difficult paths. They began to ask God for help. “Can’t you take a bit off the end of this cross, Lord? it’s dragging along the ground, making it even heavier!” “Couldn’t you add some soft padding to it, Lord? The bare wood is giving me splinters!” What followed really confused my inquisitive, yet still young and developing mind, tremendously. For the heartfelt pleas of this poor, defenceless, vulnerable and depressed person seemed to go unnoticed. “God? God? Hello? Goooooodddddddd?????”

God said nothing. God did nothing. Was He even there at all?

I was initially taken aback by the choice of this piece by our Chaplain, wondering why, when he had been given the opportunity to speak to a bunch of people who didn’t appear to know the first thing about Christianity, or, indeed, care, he had chosen a script which appeared to be saying when you ask God for help, you won’t get it. You’re on your own!

A few weeks later, during worship at Morison Memorial URC, where I now serve as an elder, the same monologue was performed after the first hymn and opening prayer. This time, I had an opportunity to ask about it and think seriously about what the meaning of what was, in my mind at that time, a rather bizarre piece. The words of Luke 9, which I had known for a long time previously, were read to me, and I was able to see them in a whole new light.

I had always understood that the reading was intended to illustrate the importance of always thinking about others as opposed to only yourself, along with the centrality of holding and sustaining a steadfast love for God all all His people, but I had failed to understand the sacrificial nature required of that love.

For what it is really saying is that serving Christ is, truly, about “picking up your cross”, carrying the great responsibility of playing your role as a part of the body of Christ on earth. This requires sacrifice of the highest order, for it means that one’s thoughts and energies must be focussed entirely on the service of God, no matter what challenges or difficulties that may bring, physically, mentally or spiritually.

When the person asked for a part to be cut off their cross and for pads to be added, God didn’t say nothing or do nothing for nothing! He said and did nothing in order to say something!!! Something very profound. Something life changing for me, as a boy wondering why it was that God didn’t answer all prayer, wondering why it was that so much suffering exists without the intervention of God and wondering how it could be possible for a loving, caring God to allow someone to go through such pain and turmoil in His own service.

For God, literally, knows that if He were to meet all our requests for comfort, security and safety, then we would not be able to learn the valuable lessons or benefit from the wonderful experiences to be gained when traveling along the road of hardship.

This cartoon illustrates this point very well (http://crowingcrone.wordpress.com/2011/05/09/thinking-too-much/), with God doing as He is asked by removing a piece of the cross which the man is carrying. However, when the man reaches a huge canyon, he notices that others can use the crosses, the burdens, the pain which they have carried with them all this way, to provide a bridge which they can walk over, leading them ever onwards in their journey. He, on the other hand, finds that he cannot use his cross in this way, for it has been cut shorter than it needs to be. The journey may not have been as difficult for Him, but he now finds himself unable, as his friends, to look to the experience and knowledge he has picked up on the way for guidance on the way forward, for he has not gained that knowledge and experience as he has travelled, instead looking towards more comfortable techniques and easier routes.

I should note at this point that I don’t believe the man was overly self-centred or cold hearted in asking God for help. We all feel, at times, that we have burdens which are too hard to bear, holding us back, preventing us from moving forward or doing anything to help either others or ourselves. Many look to God in these times for the comfort and support they need. And it is right that they should, for Jesus clearly says, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28) However, it is about realising that, even when all seems hopeless and God doesn’t seem to be responding to us, He is, in fact, always with us, always guiding us, not where we want to go, but always where we need to be.

It is also, crucially, about avoiding complacency. We cannot afford to say “God is guiding our every move so we can do whatever we want”, for it is in the hardship and challenge of life as much, if not more so, as the joy and beauty which meets us each day, that we learn the lessons and gain the knowledge we need to serve God and, in doing so, strengthen, support and love Him and all His people.

These words continue to be a huge source of support to me,  but also a source of trepidation and hesitation, particularly right now, as they stop becoming nice, comfortable, happy words, and begin to become a cold, hard reality.

For I am no longer simply reading, writing and speaking about my faith. I actually have to go and do something about it!

And in that process, I have to allow God to take over. I have to allow Him to guide me and shape me and move me to the place He needs me to be. It is not about entirely giving up my identity as Simon Peters and becoming some replica of Christ, for I was created, not as Christ, but as Simon Peters. It is, rather, about accepting that God has, indeed, created me with my skills and talents and about understanding that I must now allow God to use the identity and tools which He has given me to serve Him.

This is scary! This is worrying! This does not feel good! But it’s true. It’s real. It’s necessary. It will fulfil and enlighten me in ways that nothing else can.

For once, my powers as a wordsmith are not enough to truly express what I want to say in a way that can truly illustrate what I mean, for one must experience these things for oneself in order to understand them.

This sketch, however, comes quite close to it (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AhfUzodLRvk&feature=fvwrel), reminding us that, no matter how we feel, or what we think about ourselves or the situation we are facing, God does NOT EVER make junk!!! We are all original masterpieces. But we have to keep ourselves open to the transformation which God intends for us, allowing ourselves to be vulnerable, for it is then and only then we will be open to serving God in the way that we need to, for the good of Him and all His people.

Truly our weaknesses will become our strengths because we will use our weaknesses, our challenges, our woes, our questions, to deal with the trouble that lies ahead, growing and developing our skills and talents, in Christ.

Finally, I want to share a very simple sentence which a homeless man said to me while waiting for his coffee at a shelter. “If your fear is bigger than your gut, you ain’t serving the right God!” God truly is with us, He truly does love us, and He truly will not forsake us. We must always strive, however, to be with Him, love Him and not forsake Him.

Please pray for me as I deal with these difficult challenges.